parenting di abad 20-an

there were times when i thought family medicine as a career.. yelah, xde on-calls, keje 9-6.. weekend off, more time for family etc etc.. tapi kadang2 aku jadi boring gak.. especially when i've got soo many patients who consulted me with 'weird' things..

for example, there were parents who came to me, demanding cure for their teenager's behavioral problems.. OMAIGOD!! sesungguhnya aku ini tak ade magic wand.. aku faham, yang sometimes it's very difficult to deal with teenagers.. they are soo hormonal, both boys and girls..

children reflect their parents.. ade family yang datang consult, both parents very polite, gentle, respectful..  and guess what, anak2 derang sangatlah baik.. the whole consultation itu rasa tenang aku nak cakap, sejuk perut aku tengok anak2 derang polite with strangers.. i dont have to be a psychologist or bomoh bela jin to know this..

bad parenting di sini

tempat aku kerja sekarang adalah di area yang a bit deprive, banyak patients on benefits, high rate of teenage pregnancy, social problems etc etc.. terkejut aku kadang2 bila parent jerkah2 anak derang depan aku, very kasar dengan anak2.. no wonder anak derang very difficult to manage, all over the place.. aku pon naik pening tengok..

betol as an observer, memang senang nak point finger and blame them, belum kena batang hidung sendiri lagi.. sebelum jadi mak, bapak, kena ade ilmu parenting sedikit sebanyak.. nak jaga budak2 kena ada banyak kesabaran.. 'buat' anak memang senang, tapi nak jaga dan didik itu susah.. marah selalu pon tak boleh.. tak marah langsung, lagi lah tak boleh.. aku tengok cara omputih parenting sangatlah lain dengan cara dekat malaysia nun.. yelah culture lain, agama pon lain..

dah tu pulak kat malaysia sekarang, banyak cabaran nya..

hmm, aku rasa aku patut start baca buku parenting nih..

ada apa dengan istanbul

well, aku baru balik dari jalan2 di istanbul. sangat best ok!! seperti entry aku yang lepas, i didnt pass my mrcp so this trip kind of help me in a way. i think if i stayed in my room, i might u know, binging myself with cakes, desserts and food.. and end up feeling more depressed as i put on more weight..

hidup mahu confident di sini

what i like about istanbul?

1) super easy to reach most of the tourist attraction ie Hagia Sophia, blue mosque, topkapi palace, spice bazaar.. really close to the metro line

2) halal food - sangat best kut dapat makan halal food, xyah nak pikir2 and baca ingredient.. hehe.. must try balik embek.. grilled fish donner, derang masak atas boat tau.. sgt fresh dan tak hanyir

topkapi palace - harem , tempat simpan gundik

3) weather - 30 degree, sgt panas.. tapi angin dia cam nyaman, sejuk2 sket camtu..

4) sebab pound stronger, so aku tak spend banyak sangat

5) solat - solat senang sebab masjid merata2..

6) hotel buffer - kitorang pilih hotel yang include buffet breakfast. walaupon hotel indah khabar dari rupa, tapi ok lah jugak..

7) turkish sangat friendly dengan malaysian - over friendly pon ada, ade few mamat turkey, mintak amik gambar ngan kitorg, macam artis lak you.. haha

8) setengah org naik boat tour tuh, tapi aku n kawan decide x naik sebab rasa cam tak worth it sangat, kalu greece ke, portugal ke, yang ade banyak pretty beach ok lah kut..

begitu lah sedikit sebanyak cerita pasal trip aku.. skang ini aku dah mcam kucing siam, sbb tanned di muka dan di kaki.. hhaha

jangan lihat lelaki sexy

aku rasa pengajaran pada hari ini ialah jangan lihat lelaki sexy. aku ada cerita pasal pengalaman aku mengambil exam mrcp sebulan lepas.

aku dah dapat result few days ago, unfortunately, i didnt pass.. aku rasa sebab aku tak pass sebab aku jawab exam sambil tengok laki sexy..

pengajaran yang pahit untuk aku belajar: jangan tengok lelaki sexy.. kalu lelaki tak sexy boleh lah kut.. hhaha.. kepada orang lelaki, jangan selalu usha sangat pompuan sexy tau...

kucing yang menutup aurat, abes duit beli bra byk.. hahhadi sini

emotionally retarded

masa aku mula2 kerja sebagai seorang doctor dulu, aku selalu balik dari kerja dan tak dapat nak lelap mata. sebab banyak perkara yang berlegar2 dalam otak aku..aku selalu dapat nightmare pasal patients aku dan consultants aku marah2, etc etc

did i give him the right antibiotic?
did i make the right diagnosis?
did i miss anything in my management plan?
why cant i do the venflon just now?
will he/she still be there tomorrow?


kemudian lama2 sedikit aku boleh accept my limitations dan kurang anxious about my shortcomings. when i move on to my medical rotation, i have to face with death everyday.

was it my fault?
am i too late?
if i did that, can i prevent it?
berdosa ke aku?

nightmare selalu di sini

setengah deaths stay with me for quite sometime. when my first patient died, i cried for almost 2-3 nights. kadang, aku kena slow-talk with my colleague baru lah lega sikit. kadang2, patient yang look stable, didnt make it to the next monday ward round. and setengah2 patient yang consultant gave him/her days/weeks to live managed to make it out of hospital alive!.. no one can predict life or death thats for sure.

sekarang ini bila dah kerja almost two years..

cant wait until friday
when is the next payday?
one patient down, 20 more to go.


aku rasa takut bila aku dah kurang sensitiviti toward deaths.. maybe sebab dah terlalu expose terhadap perkara2 yang sensitif everyday, frequent visits to the mortuary for patients identification, aku dah jadi immune, mentally retarded. dont get me wrong, bukanlah aku patut menangis for every deaths, amatlah emotionally drained kalu camtu.. tapi kadang2 ada jugak perasaaan malas, try to cut corner waktu kerja, bagi aku perkara2 macam ini agak berbahaya coz a job in this field give me lots of responsibilities.

no one can predict this di sini

i have to remind myself always

hey, nak makan gaji buta ke?
this is someone else's father, mother, son etc etc. should treat them as how i would like other people to treat mine


satu lagi perkara yang menakutkan, aku risau bila aku balik malaysia, sebab different working culture and sensitivity, communication aku dengan patient jadi hampeh, aku amik remeh perasaan patient, aku jadi panas baran denga junior, nak tengking2.. lebey2 pulak, with tiredness, overwork, stress, pressure, and working enviroment yg sucks..

so far dekat sini, especially when i'm on-call with million things to do, i can still smile and says thanks you.

if you love someone, let them go... BULLSHIT

aku sekarang dah jarang sangat tengok cerita2 romantik.. asyik tgk cite comedy, seram dan anime jer.. maybe sebab aku dah dewasa dan mature.. memang agak sengal untuk aku tengok cerita2 jiwang..kalu yang lawak cam adnan sempit tuh, ok lah gak.. tapi kalu cam cerita azura, legenda budak setan, etc etc.. memang tak lah kot.. adamaya pon aku tengok 2-3 episodes jee, lama2 makin boring.. nur kasih aku tengok up to the point adam jadi baik, bila semua orang dah jadi baik gile aku jadi makin malas nak tengok..

kisah-kisah romantik nih kadang2 agak memualkan.. banyaklah pepatah2 dan kata-kata indah yang bagi aku bullshit semua nya..

mended heart, never the same againdi sini

 if you love someone let them go - adalah pepatah paling bullshit bagi aku.. memang tak logik di akal.. dah kalu suka/sayang seseorang itu, buat ape let go? sepatutnya, you have to hang on until the end.. apart from death lah kan...

for me, pepatah2 ini are created by someone without balls.. yes, balls.. kalu dah tak suka or memang nak cari yang lain, tak payahlah nak cari kata-kata indah just to justify that.. and dont you even dare saying that by breaking up, you'll create a better life for them.. puhleaseee, dah kalu malas nak go on, cakap direct lah.. you never know what's the future holds idiot!!

bagi aku dalam hidup ini lelaki adalah lelaki and you have to treat them just like your other male friends, unless, derang datang umah, jumpe bapak korang yang garang macam singa mintak kawen.. that's someone with balls.. tapi species XY ada banyak jenis, kena berhati2 jugak.. jangan tersangkut dengan XY yang ada extra X sudeyyy.. or yang memang XY tapi ngada2 buang Y nya..

please use your 'balls' appropriatelydi sini